A big fat liar!
But I have some more words that had to come out!
The day after I posted my last blog post, one of our
cancer friends, a local "superhero" Dov, passed away
The lives Dov touched in his 7 1/2 year battle (against
every odd conceivable) with terminal colon are
He was a a light on dark days, humor in sad moments
and he gave selflessly of himself from start to finish in
Making people smile and laugh and feel comfortable
in one of life's hardest circumstance. He had a gift
which he freely shared with all those around him.
When I read the news on Facebook, my heart broke
open a little all over again--tears came and I
could only think of those he had left behind.
I now knew the journey they must take and it
tore at my heart.
A wife and children and relatives and friends who
Just like Kyle left all those people who
adored HIM, Dov was now leaving people who's world
would change in a heartbeat.
Later that night Olivia and I were laying in bed
and she was telling me about atoms and what she
had learned in school that day.
She said, "Mom did you know an atom is 99% empty
space? And that empty space can bend and move
and push things apart...."
When she said that it struck me forcefully that
Kyle, and Dov, and so many others have left this
huge empty space in our hearts and lives.
We are all learning to adjust and learning how
to live with the empty spaces they once filled.
It's a process.
We have to bend and reshape our lives to fit
into new configurations, shapes that are new to
us, and ways of living that feel foreign and strange.
That same day at work an old co-worker messaged
me and said something about how NOT ONLY am I
grieving the death of my spouse, but I am also
learning to live a WHOLE NEW LIFE as a single
I am trying to fill a whole bunch of empty spaces
in my life with all the roles Kyle once filled.
Only now I'm doing it myself.
Those are some HUGE changes.
She got it, nailed it.
As I read post after post about Dov and his goodness
something broke apart inside of me--in a good way--
and I thought to myself...
There is no way I cannot honor Kyle and Dov, these
people that gave everything to us in the form of
humor and love and goodness, and give up.
I cannot NOT live for the rest of my life.
I MUST live and find joy and happiness for THEM.
For all they gave and sacrificed as they traveled their
journeys from birth to death--filling SO MANY
empty spaces every single day for all of us.
I choose to find that hope and happiness and joy
in my life.
I choose to get up even when the days are hard.
I choose to love and accept and give and learn and grow.
I choose to try and try again and again and again.
I choose to honor these people who were heroes to me.
A husband I loved, and a friend who loved everyone
One of Dov's favorite saying was to "Carpe Diem"
....although he said it much more colorfully and
I second his choice of words. (but will spare you them here)
(to give you a hint, he mostly wore F Cancer shirts to
Friends, let us choose to live, and choose to love!
That's what I've got for today in honor of Dov.
Dov speaking at Kyle's fundraiser last year!
You can see Kyle's green Cancer Kicks (shoes) in the lower left corner!
Kyle and Dov dressed up this Thanksgiving passing out treats
to the patients and staff at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. This
was literally 4 weeks before Kyle died and was STILL helping
other people. If you only knew what was going on this picture
under his costume. These men were good good good souls.