I've Lost My Voice...

I just don't have anything exciting to share
right now. And I feel like I've lost my writing voice.

And I'm tired.

Remember that exhaustion I talked about on Easter?

Well, it's still here.

Perhaps it's depression.

Perhaps it's 14 months of battle.

Perhaps it's 40+ hours of work a week.

Plus school.

Plus a family.

Plus cancer.

Plus zero "Me" time.

Perhaps.

Who knows?

Somedays it's just hard.

I just wish I could be normal again for a day,
whatever normal is.

But I'm not, and I can't be.

Because we have "The Cancer."

(It's kind of like when old people talk about
having "The Diarrhea"... at least the diarrhea
goes away.)

Someone posted a quote on Facebook the other day
that said "It's not just the person who gets cancer,
it's the whole family."

No truer words were ever spoken.

But I haven't updated for a while and 
(maybe) people are wondering how we're doing....

Are you?

We're still here.

Still kicking.

Kyle had a MUCH better round of 5FU last week.

They adjusted his pre-meds and added things
to help with nausea and he was vigilant and diligent
about taking his anti-nausea pills all week long.

(Loosing 10 lbs in one week and non stop vomit
will do that to a person if they're smart.  Kyle
is pretty smart.)

His tumor marker numbers have gone up again,
which FEELS devastating to us(since it can indicate
the new chemo is ALREADY not working)....

...but our Doctor wants to wait and see on this.

So we have one more round of the 5FU next week
and then some scans to see what that darn old
cancer is doing inside the boy.

The doctor has a theory it could be dying cancer cells
(which sometimes make the numbers jump up a little).

Who knows, only time will tell.

This roller coaster ride we're on is up and down
almost daily.

Kyle feels good enough.  His appetite is
good enough and things are holding steady.

Steady is good, for now.

And I'm sorry this post sounds so depressing
(I just reread it)  Just think of me as Eeyore 
tonight.  Tomorrow I'll be Pooh, or Tigger or someone
else.

But tonight I'm just tired old Eeyore.

And life is not as bleak as Eeyore (me) makes
it sound.  It's just my exhaustion speaking.
And the fact I've written 3 papers for school in 
one day.  And slept really badly last night.
And woke up really early today.  And had a bowl
of ice cream for dinner.  (that should help, right?)
And didn't hit my 3 Diet Coke minimum quota for the 
day today.  And still need to write and read for
two more hours for school.  And take a shower.
And try and sleep tonight.  And eat a better
breakfast tomorrow.  

Tomorrow I'll find a better voice with which
to story tell.  But today you get Eeyore because
I've lost my regular voice.

And that's what I've got for today.