The Gifts of Love

People asked me to keep blogging when Kyle died.

It seems like most of my posts would read like this:

My husband died.
I'm sad.
I cry a lot.

I'm sad because my husband died,
I cry a lot, especially between the hours of 9-11 PM.
It sucks.

I cry because my husband died
and I'm sad.
Screw cancer, it sucks.

So you see, there's not a whole lot of variation on 
the theme here. (Which is why I haven't blogged a whole
hell of a lot).

I AM sad and I DO cry.

But the story doesn't end there.

So I'm going to give you a little update on our lives.

I went back to work full time last week, and I'm still
in school.  Day by day, plugging along.

My children have done exactly as Kyle predicted
and they have stepped up to the plate to help carry
their mom.

In my book, they are superstars.

I am extremely grateful for 4 kids who have shoulders
big enough to help carry me forward in this life.

Kyle left me (us, all of us) with the lesson of love
in this life.  It is one I hope to hold forever in my
heart and continue to share.

People ask what they can do all the time and surprisingly
what I have found is that human beings are resilient.

Shockingly and surprisingly so.

We can keep moving forward if we chose.

That doesn't mean it's always easy OR fun, in fact
sometimes it is neither of those things right now.

But we still get to chose of how we move.

And for us, it is forward.

What I will tell you to do is HUG us if you see us.

For some reason the hugging has stopped and we 
(especially me) are STILL in desperate need of hugs.

Hugs are good.

If you see us, hug us.

Don't be afraid to ask how we are.

Remember even if you DON'T ask, we are still grieving 
the loss of our husband and dad.  So asking us
isn't reminding us of something that's always there--
it's just showing us you care.

Ask.  "How are you?"

Tell us you love us.   Again, love is powerful 
and just knowing we are loved...?  Well, it helps.

Kyle's death and life will forever be a part of who I am.

I will always love him and miss him and carry the 
memories of him in my heart.  His death has also
changed all of us.  I think that me, and each of my
children, will forever be the kind of people who
love more deeply, feel more profoundly, and give more
of ourselves to others.

It will take time to heal from all of this, yet
I feel a greater sense of all of those things even
as I type.

I rarely end a text or a call without an "I love you"
now to the people in my life I love.

Kyle taught me, you can never say it enough or too 
often, and you never ever know if it will be the
last time.

Say "I love you."  You'll never be sorry.

Kyle shared a lot of gifts with us ...but my favorite
was perhaps that of love.  It is a strong, and powerful,
and profoundly impactful gift in my life.

And that's what I've got.
For today.
Love.