Last night for the first time since Kyle died
I ventured out with some girlfriends.
Not my family.
Not my "babysitters."
But girls who are friends in a little group.
Usually this feels daunting and exhausting
and overwhelming to me.
I can't explain it, and unless you've experienced
it--the grief--you just won't get it.
The grief is that heavy wet blanket that takes
all your time and energy. Just to function.
And get out of bed. And live. There's no room
or time or energy left over for anything else.
And going out and smiling and laughing with
other human beings after 8 hours of work?
Usually that's too much for me right now.
But THIS week? It was a good week. I had an entire
7 day stretch void of weeping.
Yes, there was sadness tugging at my heart still--that's
still there, but the aching, longing heartache was
held at bay this week.
I enjoyed the reprieve from pain for a spell.
I know there will be more valleys to come, more
tears and sadness in waves--but for this time I enjoyed
the "lightness" that came to me this week.
It felt good.
My friends told me last night how much they cared
and thought about me and asked how they could do this
I said that WE, the people going through this, JUST
need to know we're loved and thought about.
As I've said before there truly is nothing anyone can
say to make this better, or easier.
The thing that DOES help is just to know someone is
thinking about you and cares.
One of my friends has been going through her own
She said the greatest invention EVER was the text
and I have to agree.
Who knew that some little words on a phone could
mean so much?
"I'm thinking about you."
"How are you today?"
"I love you"
She said those things are life savors and I have to agree.
Some days the grief is too heavy and talking on
the phone or in person? It is way too much for us
on this end.
But a short message flashed across our phones
can be easily answered (or ignored if that is the case).
And then we know people care.
And it fills us with joy.
I'm so grateful for the texters who are consistent in
I always gush and thank them--but the gushing is from
the heart--just the reaching out through the airwaves
from YOU to ME? Well, it means the world.
So thank you.
Thank you to girlfriends who talked and listened.
And hallelujah for one good week.
7 days in a row.
I'll take it!
It may be 7 bad days next week...but for now...I will
cheer the 7 good ones I've had!
That's what I've got for today.