Mercy

For part of my job training the past few weeks, 
I have traveled to different schools across the valley.

I have met educators that are beyond amazing considering
the job they do each day, the children they work with
and the pay they receive.

They are an inspiration to me.

Amid the chaos of working with non verbal autistic
children and behaviorally challenged kids under the 
age of 10, there is usually not a lot of time to talk 
with the other grown ups in the room.

We are too busy chasing and running and putting
out fires and cleaning up messes and wiping off
spit and cleaning up vomit and prying jaws off 
of other children.

By nature I am a talker.  I love to get to 
know people and hear about what makes them who they are.

Last week I met a teacher who shared with me a bit 
of her "life story".  

Because we ALL have one, don't we?
A story, that is.

Her husband died suddenly in an accident a few years
back.  She said one minute she was talking to him,
planning a family vacation,
and the next she was receiving a call that he had
been in a serious accident.

Then he was in the ER, and then he died.
All within a matter of moments.

She shared with me that her biggest regret in the
years that have passed is "Mercy".

By definition Mercy is "compassion or forgiveness
shown toward someone whom it is within ones power
to punish or harm."

Compassion. Grace. Charity. Forgiveness. 
Humanity. Love. Mercy. 

We all experience the need in our lives to be both
on the receiving end, and the giving end, of mercy.

I found it interesting that this was the one thing
that had haunted her more and more as the years 
pressed on.

She talked of harsh words, forgiveness not freely
given, arguments that were not worth their time
or energy.  Larger grievances, that were within
her power to forgive, haunted her as well.

She reflected that we often are quick to pass 
judgement on those we love and know, and those
we don't even like or care for, when it is within
our power to show them mercy.

"To forgive and show compassion when it is within
our power to punish or harm."

She wondered out loud if any of us are perfect
and above reproach?  I said, that beside me, probably
no one is. (I.AM.KIDDING! of course I am,
just work with me people!)

Of all the regrets she had, this was the most
profound.  The one that still struck her to her 
very core in the deepest nights.

Do you hear me?  

OF ALL THE REGRETS SHE HAD.

ALL THE REGRETS.

ALL OF THEM.

This, this one thing, was the thing 
that haunted her.

This.one.thing.

I thought long and hard about what she said.

I thought long and hard about life, and time,
and how much, and how long, and what is left.

I though long and hard about whether or not
this would be a regret for me.

And I thought long and hard that quite possibly 
(and sadly) I may have this regret as well.

Of not being merciful enough.

When it is within my power to be so.
When it is within my power to choose.

As that one pretty famous guy who lived about 2000
years ago once said, "He that is without sin 
among you, let him first cast a stone."

When it was within His power to condemn and judge
and cast away, He chose instead to show mercy.

Over and over and over.

For those of us who like to call ourselves
Christians, and say we believe, it is a pretty
powerful principle.

I don't usually like to go "all religious" here
but after speaking with my new friend and marinating
on her thoughts for the past few days, this one thing
really resonated with me.

My husband is not perfect.

Nor am I.

And he's going to die.  

Not today. Or tomorrow.  Or next week.  
But sooner than we had once anticipated.  

(son of a gun!)

When it has been within my power to show mercy,
have I done it as quickly as I could?
Or should?

Where do ALL of us stand on this one beautiful,
powerful principle in our lives?

Are we quick to judge and condemn?

Or do we instead choose to show mercy and forgive?

I'm not going to leave anyone with an answer tonight.

I'm only going to ask the question.

But I do know what I'm going to do with the time
we have left.

I know what I'm going to try harder to have.
And to show. And to live.

The power is in me.
The power to choose.

Forgive or punish.
Show compassion or harm.

And that's what I've got for today.

I've got a lot to work on.
How about you?