Giving Thanks

I hope that no one will call Child Social Services

on me because I encouraged, and even told, my children to

flip the bird for our family picture in California

this summer.

If you want to judge me?

That's fine.

When your husband has terminal cancer then 

you can make a moral decision about what I've

taught my kids.

I take full responsibility for this 

"bad thing".  

All the other bad things they've learned?  

I TOTALLY blame on their dad. (<<< that's sarcasm, of course)

Or the dog. :)  (<<< that could be true!)

Until then?

Shhhhhhh....

We've decided you can laugh or cry on this journey.

We do both, but you HAVE TO find humor in 

life or you can't survive this.

So on this Thanksgiving Day I am grateful

for humor, and laughter, and life, and

forgiveness, and love, and these 5 hooligans

I get to call "my own" for a while longer.

I'm grateful that Mr Bead Boy is still here

eating turkey with us this year.

I'm grateful for his attitude and goodness

and kindness in the face of a most horrible

thing.  I'm grateful for his love and

compassion and strength that he shares with

me when I feel I cannot go on.

I'm grateful for 4 STRONG, WONDERFUL, 

PHENOMENAL children that have grown up

much too fast this year--but have done

so with grace and dignity and an inner

strength I could have never imagined.

My "mothers heart" is filled with such

deep love for them in all their imperfections

and goodness.

I'm grateful for courage and hope.

I'm grateful for the goodness in humankind.

In case anyone wants to know?

The world is still filled with MUCH more

goodness than bad, more hope than despair,

more kindness than ugliness.

If you want to see it, get cancer!

On second thought--DON'T get cancer!

Just take my word for it!

I'm grateful for dear dear friends, both new

and old, that have lifted us up on our 

darkest days in this year of dark, hard days.

I'm grateful for my own strength to move

forward and do some of the hardest things

I NEVER imagined I could do.  

I'm grateful for the courage to express, 

in word, the rawness

and beauty of this journey.

As hard as it is to write, or even read, I'm

glad that I've captured both the good and bad.

The hard and happy.  The awful and wonderful

parts of it all.

So if I could give any bit of advice to anyone

reading it would be these truths I've learned

in the past 9 months...

1. Forgive quickly.  If it really really doesn't 

   matter?  Let it go.  And even if it does?  Let

   it go anyway.  We ALL need forgiveness.  Let

   someone smarter and wiser than us be the judge.

2. Love.  It's what it's all about.  I cannot

   emphasize this enough.  It's all about love.

   It just is.

3. Judge less.  Guess what?  We all do 

   stupid things.  ALL OF US.  Learn to just 

   appreciate the GOOD things in others around us.

   Hopefully we will get the same kind of leniency 

   in return.  Because we ALL need it.

4. Take time and spend it with the ones you love.

   Tell people you love them.  Even when you don't 

   want to.  You won't be sorry.

5. You may be stronger than you think you are.

   You CAN do hard things.  We are not superhuman,

   or super-anything.  We are just regular people

   surviving a really hard thing.  Because we HAVE TO.

   What other choice do we have?  We cry, we fall down,

   we say we're quitting...but then we rise again each

   day and dust ourselves off and TRY AGAIN.  That's

   ALL that really matters.  You can do it.  Believe

   in yourself.

6. It's OKAY to cry and hurt and be sad and FEEL THINGS.

   As much as we like to think it's NOT?  IT IS!!!

   It's healthy to let those things flow in and around

   and through and out of us.  Holding it all in and

   pretending doesn't do anyone any good.

7. Laugh.  Just laugh.  Flip cancer off and tell it

   where it can go.  It's okay to laugh and find humor

   in darkness.  

8. Back to #2....It's ALL ABOUT LOVE.  It just is.

   Love love love.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

Thank you, ALL OF YOU, who have helped us survive 

2013 so far.  We love you.  We thank you!

You make our world go 'round!

Love,  Kyle Dorien Josh Grace Eliza & Oliva (oh ya, and Ruby!)