Bad Humor

Today after reading about a friend who's spouse is
dying from cancer.

You know...

That "one thing" that happens with terminal cancer.

I looked up at Kyle and said, "I'm just not sure
how I will EVER survive this, when that time comes."

He looked at me and said, "Well, I know I sure won't!"

"Survive that is."

Then we both laughed.  And cried a little.

And he said, "Good heavens people would DIE if 
they knew the kind of jokes we made around here."

And then?

Well, we laughed a little bit more.

Bad Humor.

Cancer Humor.

I know, we're terrible aren't we?


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It's been a while since I updated.

I've been working and studying for finals
and hosting Christmas parties and going to 
Christmas parties.

Kyle?  He's been feeling mighty fine and
helping me host and go to Christmas parties as well.

We have been surrounded by friends who love us.

Christmas is a little bit bittersweet this year.

I cannot tell a lie.

It's hard to explain to outsiders looking in,
but when you're living this, and you don't 
know what the future holds...there is always
that nagging thought in the back of your 
mind...

"Will THIS be the last Christmas together?"

"Will this be the last one Kyle is 'healthy' for?"

What will future holidays bring?

So, for now, we cherish our time.

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I'm not gonna fib about this either
--as excited as I am to have
a job with benefits--'Full Time Job' is also a
heavy weight on my heart.

I know 'Mom' is not every ones gig, but I loved
my time as a Full Time one.

It breaks my heart just a little to leave
my family, the kids AND Kyle, for 40+ hours
a week and miss so much time.

Time, it is a precious commodity right now
and work will take me away from my family for
so.much.time.

And school will take me away for some more.

My boss said to me at work today (it was my last
day on my school job)..."Will you keep going to
school with all of this new stuff?"

I told her I was going to try my hardest.

She looked at me and said, "Some days it will
feel like you're going to die--but you won't--
no one has died yet from school and work full time.
But you have 3 heavy things on your plate, try
and push through and remember when it feels 
like it?  YOU WILL NOT DIE from this!"

She gave me a tight squeeze and wished me well.

She is a good soul with a kind heart who
isn't afraid to express love.

I like that in a person.

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We've watched Olivia sing at Elementary Sing Alongs.

We've watched snow fall and fall.

We've snuggled and watched movies.

We've had fires in the fireplace.

I have yet to bake Christmas cookies.

I have yet to finish Christmas shopping.

I haven't even STARTED wrapping yet.

(I hate wrapping)

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And so life goes on.

We laugh.

We move forward.

We celebrate birthdays.

We have a story about Dorien and drugs
to share some day.  (Oh and it's a good one,
you won't want to miss it.)

We start new jobs.

We take finals.

We love.

We hope.

We dream.

We pause.

We live.

We tell bad jokes.

And that's what I've got for today.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that.