Guest Post by Cancer guy AKA "Bead Boy"

We have a guest blogger today.

Some of you may know him even.

Introducing Kyle Nielson AKA 'The Guy with Cancer'
AKA 'Bead Boy'.

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So first forgive me for not being the eloquent writer that my wife is, this will likely be filled with misspelled words, run-on sentences and sentences that don't make sense.  I am not a gifted writer like my wife.  I would have never made it through college without my wife's editing help.  So I am sorry, but for some reason I felt the need to share a thought or two today. 

I was looking at my phone before church this morning, and on my Facebook feed was a note from a good friend I have never met. I have never met her, or her husband, but I consider them true friends. The love of her life, her dear husband, lost his fight with this F-ing cancer today.  

To read it sort of ruined my day.  And my wife's day.
(She had to hold back a lot of tears in church today).

My wife is part of a group of wives (The CC Wives) that she has connected with, all of them share the common ground of a husband fighting my same liver cancer.  The farthest diagnosis is 26 months ago (Mike, who passed away today) and the newest diagnosis was just 2 months ago.  All the husbands are around my age, and all have the same exact cancer I have. Their cancers have all moved to new parts of their bodies and all are considered stage 4, terminal. I know it's a negative shitty description, but it's the facts. 

(This is Dorien, sometimes cancer just brings out the
swear words in us, if you were here, you would understand.)

Well, Mike who is just about my age after a valiant fight of 26 months, lost the battle with cancer early this morning.  He was very similar to me in the fight, he had a great response to chemo early in his treatment, he felt strong and normal for quite a long time. The past 6 months have been a pretty steady decline with a really horrible decline in the past month.  He is a good, god fearing man, he prayed for hope, he prayed for miracles, he went to church, he had thousands of others praying in his behalf, but in the end the cancer won. It really sucks. I have no words to comfort his good wife, his 2 sons and 2 step sons, they are nothing but sad today and will be for many days to come.

So two things I wanted to share; the first, as my wife and I talked about these two people this morning and their pain and sorrow, we talked about what we could say or do to help. Flowers die, there are no magic words or gifts to give. What can you do for a wife and 4 sons when they loose a great father and husband way too early in life? The one thing I came up with for my wife is be there in two weeks and two months and two years when everybody is gone. The funerals will be done, the families will go home, the flowers will be dead, and that good wife will still be in the same pain she feels today. So I challenged my wife to be there for her friend then. And for those that read this blog and when my day comes, and it will, remember my words from today, be there for my wife and kids when the big rush goes away, their pain will not disappear for a long time and they will need the love and hugs of good friends for some time.

A long time.

Second thing, my friend fought for 26 months, he was young and healthy and had excellent medical care, chemo worked for a long time and he was very normal for a long time, but it didn't last.

This cancer is a son of a bitch and NO ONE beats it at this stage.  (Or often even earlier stages.) I am not being negative, I am not giving up, I am being realistic.  I might have a couple more good Christmases, I might be sick and completely out of it by next Christmas. So, for me, I am going to live every day like my days are limited, I am going to tell people I love them and hug people that I didn't used to hug because I don't want any regrets. I was talking to a friend at a party last weekend and I told them I know in my heart I am not going to beat this cancer but I said I can fight like hell and enjoy everyday. My hope is in the fight, not the miracle.  I hope that doesn't come across as doomsday but I have watched too many people in the past 9 months, strong people, young people, faithful god loving people, people with an army behind them, people with best attitude possible and ultimately this cancer gets them. So when people call and say let's go to lunch, I try my best to go every time. If someone says let's go sledding, or to a movie, or to Jazz game or a concert, by damm I am going.  I may not feel 100% but I am going to do my best to do and enjoy everything I can.

Last thing, some of you out there have entered this figurative "frying pan" of this fight with cancer head first and you have made yourselves part of every step of this battle, WITH us. 

Those people, and you know who you are, mean the world to me and I love you dearly.  Some of my good friends, and even family, and my wife's good friends have disappeared from my life, because of pain or because of some sense of complacency or because they truly believe all will be well, I don't know the reasons, and I can't answer for them.  To them, I say you also mean the world to me and I love you too, but I hope that you have no regrets in your connection to me.  Maybe I am thinking way too much of myself and spending time with me is not worth it or not important.  If you fall here? I still love you anyway.  Maybe
cancer is too hard.  But time will keep moving forward
and you may be left behind.

So that's what I've got for today, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and you get to be around people you love and you get to hug them tight.  That is my plan and I know I will look back with no regrets and lots of happy memories.  


Love to you all.  Kyle