Crossroads

After emails and phone calls and consultations,
our doctors agreed with us that the last dose of 
this chemo regiment that Kyle has been on is a waste
of time and money.

It's not working, so no need to do it.

They cancelled his chemo for tomorrow and instead 
have put Kyle in the 7:30 AM slot for a PET
scan so we can all get a peek of what's going
on inside of Kyle's body at this point.

Tuesday we have an appointment with our "2nd opinion"
oncologist to see what his plan of attack would 
be at this point and, then Wednesday Kyle meets
with Dr Sharma to discuss the results of the PET
scan and decide on a new course of action.

We are going armed with knowledge. 

We have consulted and re-consulted with numerous
other Cholangiocarcinoma patients in our network
to see what Plan B's and Plan C's have been 
followed.

We have lists of chemos that have been tried.
We have lists of side effects associated with 
the chemos that have been tried.

We are trying to be PRO-active and bring what
we know to the table from other patients.

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Needless to say, I am a nervous wreck.

Kyle is a little worried too.

A lot will ride on what the scan says is 
happening inside of him and where and how the
cancer has spread.

I would rather be thinking about butterflies
and unicorns than cancer and scans and chemo--
but that is not in the cards at the moment.

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They could say he needs to jump into a new
chemo as soon as Thursday or Friday.

We just won't know until the scan has been read
and decisions have been made.

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We are at another crossroads in the 
Fight of our Life...

I have decided I am not a fan of crossroads.

But we're going to do what we've always done so 
far.

We've cried and gnashed our teeth and wept...
and clung to one another and had sleepless nights.

AND THEN, we've put our damn boots on again,
laced them up and gotten up and put one foot
in front of the other and will keep going.

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I may hate these boots by the end of their
journey, but by george I will keep lacing 
them up and moving forward...

...even if it's with tears streaming down
my face and snot dripping out of my nose
and my heart carrying a block of cement.

I will hold Kyle's hand and we will march
forward until there is no more forward to march.

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And that?  It's what I've got for today!