Thursday, June 5, 2014

Sweet And Salty

Life has been blessedly sweet for the past little while.

No, it has not been perfect. 

It has had its ups and downs, yet it has had a golden
hue of light and happiness cast over it.

We had a 20 year kid old total his car.  
(He is fine, the car is not.)

We have had short weekend trips to Arches National Park
and hiked Delicate Arch to check it off of Kyle's bucket
list.  (Spring in Moab and Delicate Arch both)

Kyle's friend of 30 years "Uncle Dave" took Kyle on
a #guytrip to Seattle, Portland and Cannon Beach.
Another #bucketlist item checked off.  They had 
a blast and made wonderful memories.

Kyle and the family got to attend a super Jazz game
or two with fabulous seats and the VIP treatment.

Even I, who am not a super big fan of Jazz games,
had the night of my life.  So much fun!

I passed Math with an "A".

The kids finished another year of school, and 
despite everything and in spite of everything,
they made close to straight "A's".

We couldn't be more proud of them.

We have had nights laying on the back lawn with cool
summer Utah breezes blowing over our faces and the
light of the setting sun casting its last golden
shadows over Mount Olympus and the valley below.

We have had long, good conversations with our children.

We have laughed and hugged and held on to one another.

We have made the endless bad cancer jokes and
added some new ones to the mix.

Kyle and I have talked late into the nights,
when we should be sleeping.

We have taught Ruby the doodle a new trick or two.

We have had dinners and movies out with family
and friends and good conversations and sweet 
tender moments that we will always treasure.

Tomorrow Kyle gets his scan.

The results will only be one of two things:

1. Good news (shrinking or stable cancer)


2. Bad news  (spreading growing cancer)

Sadly, it's an "either/or" kinda deal with this gig.

Obviously, as always, we hope for good news.

Who wouldn't when your life is on the line?

I cannot bear the thought of my life without my
best friend of 25 years in it.

Or the thought that my kids daddy will someday not
be here for them.  He is the love of their lives.

The sweet has also been salted with hard, sad 
news of two friends who have gotten the ...

2. Bad News 

Last night I wept like a baby, until my eyes were
so swollen I couldn't keep them open anymore and
I had a pounding headache.

I cried for their pain and heartache and sadness.

I cried for the knowledge that this would someday
be us.

I cried because I wished and hoped against all
wishes and hopes that somehow I could change 
something for them.

I cried because both of their lives have touched
mine and changed me for the better.

I cried because they are beautiful, wonderful
human beings and the world needs more people like
them.  Not less.

I cried because life Just Isn't Fair.

And tonight I sat once again on my back lawn,
with my doodle and my husband and tears filled my 

And I breathed a "Thank You' on the breeze,
that my husband was still here and happy
and making sweet memories with us.

And I was thankful that we were enjoying this time
and making the best of it and living in each moment
the best way that we could.

And I was thankful for sweetness....

and my heart broke with sadness.

Both, at the very same time.

And that's what I've got for today.

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