Five Months

Grace and I were running errands in preparation for 
The Beach Trip.

She turned to me and said, "Mom it's almost been 5 months."

I said, "I don't even have to ask what you're talking
about...I know."

Since Kyle's diagnosis.

The Cancer Diagnosis.

5 months.

Some Stage 4 CC patients don't make it this far, ever.

We are reminded of that often.

We feel so lucky that Kyle is one of the ones
who has (so far) responded this well to the chemo
regimen they use in the fight against this cancer.

We feel so blessed that he is feeling so great.

We feel overwhelmingly glad that he has had so many
many many good days so far.

We feel so happy that we have had time.

And continue to have time.

So many people get REALLY REALLY ripped off when it
comes to Cholangiocarcinoma and Time.

What is it that is working for him?

The medicine?  The prayers?  His body?  His good attitude?

Why do some people have good attitudes and bad results?

Why do some people pray like crazy and die?

Why do some people have stronger bodies than him
and don't do well?

Why do some people have such a poor response to the
chemotherapy?

Why?

Why?

Why?

I honestly have no answers. 

No answers at all.

I wish I did.

Lots of other people have answers that comfort them.

Lots of other people believe they know why.

There are just SO many variables, and so many people
who "do the right thing" and STILL have bad results.

They eat the "right" food and say the "right" prayers
and do all the "right" stuff and things STILL don't 
work.

I just don't know.  Answers elude me.

I DO KNOW that we are happy and thrilled that Kyle
is doing well.

Sometimes I feel guilty that he is doing well and 
so many people don't.

Not that I want him to do bad, I don't.

Maybe it's because I feel so badly for the other people
who are NOT doing well.

Or know someday we will not be doing well.

Kyle said, "It's kind of weird thinking of time in limited
quantities.  I've now 'used up' 5 months of how much time?"

Scary thought.

We had better be making the most of it.

For now, we will take the GOOD.

And we will take the time.

And we will be making the most of it, or shame on us.

That's what I've got for today~