You know you have cancer when....

I think I scared everyone off with my last post.

I will stick to the basics today.

You know you have cancer when...

You alternate between crying and laughing in the same sentence
and possibly even the same breath.

My husband thinks I may be (more) schizophrenic in my mood swings than usual...

...which is saying a lot.  

Seriously try combining PMS with a cancer diagnosis in the same week (TMI?).

You know you have cancer when you also alternate between tears and jokes about cancer and dying in the same sentence.

Like this one, "How do you know your husband has cancer?"

Punchline:  "He doesn't like Diet Coke anymore!"

(You have to know Kyle to get that one...if you know him, you'll get it!)

(Seriously!  He doesn't like Diet Coke anymore!)

You also know you have cancer when....

You lay awake at night, all night, for many nights in a row.

Nights are awful.  They take 3 days (or nights) to go by sometimes.  The worst part is that you wake up in the morning and everything is still the same.

I get anxiety after about 7 pm every night, just THINKING about nights.  We've even tried Ambien.  It hasn't helped. 

Maybe we should move to Alaska where it's daylight for something like 20 hours in the summer.  That could help.

You know you have cancer when...

Your husband is lying next to you in bed, and HE has finally fallen asleep, and you lay your hand on his back.

You pretend you are a Super Hero with magical powers.  You wish such a thing existed.

You place your hand over the spot where the cancer grows and wish for those magic powers really hard with your eyes closed.

All the while saying a silent prayer to anyone and everyone in the Universe who will listen to you.

If you had magic powers you would suck out all the black tarry gunk (which is how I picture it dripping and growing in his liver).

You would pull it all out through his back into your fingertips,
at which point you would dispose of it somehow.  (You haven't gotten that far....if you ever do, you will know what to do with it.)

I rest my hand often on his back and know I don't have any magical powers that can do that.  I just like to touch him to know that he is real, and alive and breathing next to me still.

But what I do have is love, and hope, and prayer.

And what we do have is the love, and hope, and prayers of many people around us.

This, in turn, gives us power (maybe even some of the magical kind!) and strength to face each new day.

You know you have cancer when...

You think of really crazy stuff like this.

This is what I've got for today!

Tomorrow we go do battle Round Two.

Huntsman Center.

10 AM Sharp.

Pray for good numbers (blood work etc) so that Round Two may begin~