Dear Avett Brothers, You Got Something Right.

Those boys right there are the Avett Brothers, Scott and Seth.

They sure know how to sing.  And strum a banjo, and play a

guitar, and drums, and keyboards.  

Kyle, who always has a hankering for new music discovered them a few years back.  Last summer they came to Salt Lake City and played at the Gallivan Center.  We were excited to see them in concert.  They did not disappoint.

We went with Josh.   It was a balmy Utah summer night with billowy clouds in the sky, a gorgeous pink sunset and music that made us clap our hands and smile from ear to ear.

A good memory that still warms my heart.

The Avett Boys sing a song called "Murder in the City".

Why am I writing about the Avett Brothers you ask?

One, because I love their music and two, because that song has a powerful message about something that has been on my mind a lot lately.

Marriage. and Love.

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I haven't been spitting out.  I feel like Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter and wish I could pull all of my thoughts out with a magic wand, into my pensieve, to revisit later.

In "Murder In The City", Scott sings in the chorus, "Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name."

My husband Kyle?  He's a great man.  While he will never be 

rich or famous, or even perfect...he has been good for me.

And hard for me.  

WHAT?  you ask.  

Yes, good AND hard.

Just like marriage.

Today this is what I've got...

...A message about marriage.

Marriage is hard.  It's a lot of work.  If anyone tells you

they have a perfect marriage (I think) they're either lying

or VERY VERY VERY VERY lucky.

I don't (personally) have ONE.SINGLE.FRIEND that I know well

enough to have this conversation with that has a "perfect" marriage. 

I do read about them a lot on blogs on the internet...sometimes

I come away wondering "what the #*%$$% is wrong with me and my marriage" when I do.

At a certain point, I gave up and said "That cannot POSSIBLY be reality."

Life is just too hard and throws too many curve balls that we have to work through for the majority of people to have "perfect marriages."

Sheesh...who are they fooling anyway?  

(Maybe only themselves).

Life brings us...

Children.  In laws.  Jobs.  Schooling.   Out laws.  Children.

Infertility.  Job loss.  Death.  Financial Woes. Hardships.  Health Issues.  Accidents.  Depression.  Grief.  Worry.  Did I mention Children? Religious differences. Ups. Downs. In betweens. A whole slew of good things and bad things.

All of those things can be a strain on our marriages.

"Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name."

The message I want to leave is this...

Life is hard.  I have sometimes wanted to quit (marriage).

Kyle has sometimes wanted to quit (marriage).  We have had some struggles that people WOULD have quit for.

Let me share just a few:

One and a half years into our marriage we had a stillborn baby boy.

Followed by two miscarriages.

Followed by infertility issues.

Followed by bad career choices that led to him working like

a slave for 6 years and a really bad ending.

Which led to Kyle going back to school in his 30's.

I was a 'single mom' for about 3 years with 4 kids while

he worked full time and went to school full time.

It was hard work.

But we made it.

Then a month later he lost his job in the middle of that

terrible, awful, no good, very bad recession.

Now he has terminal cancer.

Mixed in with a BUNCH of other good stuff and some more hard stuff.  We're really no better and no worse than any other human living, and telling their story.  Our story is just different from your story.  It is our own story of life.

Sometimes, I feel like we just can't catch a break.

Sometimes I feel like just when I come up for air, someone

shoves my head under the water again.

But, I keep getting enough air so that I am not drowning

under the weight of the water.  I keep pushing to the surface.

The reason I'm highlighting the hard stuff is to make a point.

ANY of those things IN THE SINGULAR has caused people to get a divorce....many people in all walks of life.

But guess what?   We're still here!  Together!  

Fighting the good fight.  We haven't given up!  We won't give up! We have stuck together (quite literally) through "thick and thin" and made it work.

Some times it was really really hard. 

But we did it anyway.

For ourselves.  And for our kids.

And for us, it worked.

Sometimes I wonder if people give up too easily?

Sometimes in marriage people ALSO have very good reasons FOR giving up.

But we've often said "Would it really be any better with anyone else?"  

Our answer is "Probably not.  There would be some really good new things about a new person, but they would also bring some things that drove us NUTS to the table."

Just different things that were better and worse.

I'm glad we have taught that to our children.  That sometimes

life and marriage is hard.  But you just have to get up again (and again and again and again and again and again and again)

on each new day, pull on your socks, tie your shoes and begin

fresh.

Some days it's better and some days it's worse.  

But you just keep trying...

Because... "Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name."

 

Kyle, I'm so glad (even on the days when I said you were driving me CRAZY!) that you've let me share your name.  I'm so glad that even on (and especially on) those days you still 

let me call you and tell you all my problems.  (none of which I can remember now.)  I'm so glad we always decided to stick

it out.  I'm so glad we can say we made it through so many

things TOGETHER.  I'm so glad even when I didn't feel like

loving you, I still liked you enough to hang around. I'm so glad that you've been my best friend and confidant for all

these years.  I'm so glad you stick notes of encouragement on

my car when I'm at the gym.  I'm so glad you fold laundry and

clean bathrooms. I'm so glad you're patient when I'm not.

I'm so glad you never gave up either.  I'm so glad we have

good memories stored in our hearts to (hopefully) be enough

to make it through what's yet to come.  I'm so glad you are 

the hardest worker I know.  I'm so glad you're a good father

to our children.  I'm so glad that, even though sometimes my

heart is breaking right now, you let it break.  And still,

you're the one who holds me up.

Thank you for holding me up for 22 years, thank you for sharing

your love with me.  Thank you for sharing your name.

Here are the Avetts singing "Murder In the City"...

Listen to these beautiful words...

(Click link)