Answers. Post 3

Questions.  Part Three. 3.

(Sorry missed the last in the series that was asked 
yesterday)

 6) Kyle- do you ever dare to hope that you can beat the odds? What keeps you so positive? Where do you draw your strength from? Do your guy friends do a good job of just hanging out with you doing typical guy stuff or have your friends jumped ship not knowing how to "be" around you?

*Have people drawn closer to the two of you since getting Kyle's diagnosis? Have any of them pulled away instead?

*What were your first thoughts/emotions when the two of you were told about the cancer? 
-How has this 'journey' (fighting the cancer and being a support) changed your perspective on life? 
-What would you tell someone who just found out they are in the same situation as your family? 
-Besides support, love, comfort and prayers etc., what more do you need from any and all 
of us?

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Answers


6.  With Cholangiocarcinoma there seem to be no odds to beat.

    Now I know people get down and say we're being negative
    when we say that, but those are the facts with this cancer.
    Longest "survivor" out there (that we've found) was a 
    Stage 1 or 2 that had a COMPLETE liver transplant.  The
    cancer had NOT spread anywhere else.  She's 10 yrs. down
    the road and the cancer STILL came back, it's everywhere.
    This cancer doesn't seem to EVER go away quietly.

    Stage 4, now that's some bad stuff.  

    It's "out of the house" as I explained in my Cancer 101
    post way back when.  It's already in Kyle's blood 
    floating around, looking for new places to grow.  It has
    already landed in his lungs.  It is already in his lymph 
    nodes.  

    Does that mean he will die tomorrow?  NO! (hopefully 
    not which could involve being hit by a truck or some
    other thing).

    But our very long answer is NO.  We don't think there is
    an alternate ending to this scenario.  But that also
    doesn't mean we aren't going to fight with EVERY ounce
    of energy and gumption to make his life as long as is
    possibly possible right now.

    If you don't know me in person, I am a stubborn pain in 
    the arse.  There is NO WAY I will go down without a fight
    for my husbands life.  Nor will he.  
   
   I think sometimes people CONFUSE     
   "accepting reality" with "giving up".
   They are NOT the same thing.  Not the
   same thing at all.
    
    NO ONE in this house is giving up without a fight like 
    you've never seen.

    NO ONE!  (Take THAT Cholangiocarcinoma).  

    Kyle is just a positive person.  He is hopeful and
    believes in the power of positive thinking (not to cure
    him, but to help him through).

    We draw our strength (right now) mostly from each other,
    our family, friends, and even complete strangers.

    We believe also that the power of prayers/good thoughts/
    energy (however you want to term it)--is helping us through
    as well.  We pray not for a miracle, or a cure...we pray
    for strength and courage to make it through.

    If either of those, a miracle or a cure came, would we
    take it?  Um yup!  That goes without saying.  That simply
    goes without saying.

-----------------------------------------------------------

*People pulling away and people staying...I touched on this
a little yesterday.

Yes, people have done both.

People that we thought would be around non stop, have not been.

People that we never would have guessed would be around,
have been.

And some people have been exactly how we thought they would be.

Imagine that?!  

This is common in so many things I've read and heard.

About terminal cancer.

Facing mortality is hard.  Some people cannot do it, it 
is just too hard.

WE don't have a choice, but people that know us DO.

Have a choice. 

Here's the thing.

We don't fault ANYONE for how they act and react.

We get how hard this is.  

(Believe me, we GET IT! If we could trade THIS "hard thing" for just about ANYTHING else? We would.  Possibly ANYTHING else.

Kyle and I always laugh (manically and hysterically) when people
throw out the old "Well, if you knew what someone else's trials
were, you wouldn't trade them for your own!"

Snort! HA HA HA HA! Choke! giggle...all in a "ya, that's NOT
funny kind of way!"  This one folks??? HANDS DOWN we would trade it with someone else for something else.  HANDS DOWN and blindfolded!)

Life is also busy.  People are busy. 

We bear no ill will, contrary to sometimes differing opinions,
if you are not here, cannot be here, and don't want to be here.

We just always say that for those who love Kyle and those
who care--we don't want you to have any regrets that you 
didn't make time, or a memory.

That is the ONLY reason for us...in a weird and odd and 
caring way FOR YOU. We don't want YOU to miss out... that is
the truth in our heart of hearts.  

Time ticks, it keeps ticking and someday TIME will be gone.

Kyle always says he feels strongly that different people
will step in when they are needed.

So far this has been the case 100%. 

Has it always been who WE thought it would be?

Nope.

But someone has ALWAYS been there when we've needed them.

Thank you to ALL of those people. 

You are going directly to heaven.  

You don't have to stop at GO.  Or collect blessings or
repent of your sins.

Free Passes for all!

No seriously.  I've worked it out with God.  We're tight,
me and the Big Guy.

ANYONE who is kind to ANYONE who has cancer in this life--
they're going straight to the right place.  Just count on it.


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First thoughts when we found out Kyle's diagnosis?

Devastation.  Heartache.  Sadness.  Shock.  Tears.
Weeping.  Sad.  Sad.  Sad.  Shock. Sad. Sad. Sad....

Does that cover it? LOL

Has this changed our perspective on life?

Yes!  A thousand times yes!

How could it not.

It SHARPLY puts into focus what really really really really
matters.

It's not money, or fame, or power, or wealth or success.

It's family. And love. And time.  And memories.  And making them.

Period. 

That is all. (For us)

Those are the basic things, the most important things in life.

The things we ALL know, and loose focus on everyday because 
life gets in the way.

Cancer, of the terminal variety, clears the air of ALL
things that don't really matter.

Boy oh boy, there are A LOT of things that don't matter in 
this life that we spend WAY too much time worrying about.

What would we tell someone else with this diagnosis?

Do it YOUR way!

Don't let anyone tell you what the "right way" to do this is.

Each person facing this, has an individual journey.

There is NO right way or wrong way.

Be patient.

Feel.  Talk.  Love.  Talk some more.

Work through all the feelings.

Surround yourself by people who love you and support you
and LET YOU express your feelings.

Hold hands.  Smell the flowers.  Live each day.  Cry if you 
need to.  (Who cares, right?)  Get up when you think you
can't.  Stay in bed and cry for a day if you need to.

Cling to the things that matter.  Go easy on yourself.
Give yourself a break.  Smile.  Laugh.  Love.  Get off work
early and go to a movie.  Lay on the couch with your kids
and watch TV in the middle of a Saturday when you should be cleaning.  The dirty house can wait.  Eat ice cream.
Enjoy a sunset.  Pet your dog.  Tell bad jokes about Moodles.

It's ALL about the little stuff now.

What do we need from people besides prayers, love comfort, etc?

Nothing, honestly.  THAT IS WHAT WE NEED!!  

Love.

Support.

Love.

Support.

Mostly JUST LOVE.

And not in a benign "they already probably know" kind of way.

Like I mentioned yesterday...tell us.

Tell Kyle.  Tell me.  Tell the kids.

We love you.

We're thinking about you.

Nothing big.

Doesn't have to be fancy or expensive.  
(remember the text thing?)

Texts are brilliant!

Just love us ....it gives us (or helps anyway) 
the strength to keep moving forward. It helps us
carry this heavy load.

Those are my answers for today!!!