Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Get Your Free Stress Here! Stress for Sale!

 Yesterday Kyle and I drove to our 3rd Doctor appointment
for a 3rd opinion on this 'next step' in Kyle's treatment.

You can never have too many opinions, in my opinion.

Especially when you're talking about your husbands LIFE!

I keep telling him I don't want the burden on me that
we didn't investigate every avenue open to us.  And 
that we didn't listen to every good opinion.  And that
we didn't really study and think about this 'next step.'
And that we didn't gather every bit of information we
could, wisely.  To make our decision.

When you're not a doctor, you can only do so much.

You can listen, and get opinions, and research, and 
google, and read literature, and get more opinions.

But at some point you have to decide what to do with
all the information you have.

That's really scary (I'm not going to lie).
And that's really hard.

As we drove to the appointment, I said to him that surely
if someone could bottle, or harness, the amount of stress
we felt in the car at that moment, it would be enough
to power a small city for a weeks time.

Maybe two.

No, seriously.

It was oozing out of us in currents you could tap into,
quite literally, it was palpable.

After an hour long wait to see our original oncologist,
the one who taught us words like "cholangiocarcinoma"
and "gemcidabine" and "cisplatin", we were seeing him

We really like Dr. W.  It was NOT because of any 
ill will, bad feelings, or reasons to distrust him,
that we left his office.

We simply went for another opinion and liked where we
landed.  It has gone well with Dr. S. and Dr. G
and Shelley and Angelique and all the staff at Huntsman.

We have been oh so pleased with ALL of them.

But we were back in Dr. W's office for his take on 
the new way doctors want to lead Kyle.

He leaned back in his chair and told us he was nervous
to see us.  He didn't know how things had gone with 
Kyle.  He didn't know if Kyle was one of the "non
responders" to chemo, and if what he would see in
his office would be a sick, yellow, dying patient 
pleading for help.

He was happy to see a robust and relatively healthy
looking Kyle.  He was thrilled with Kyle's progress
so far.

He confirmed that he would do EXACTLY what the other
2 doctors were suggesting.

Dr. W is a "straight shooter, get to the point, not
mess around" kind of a guy.  In our experience, we have
come to REALLY like straight shooters.  It makes it
so much nicer to just get to the point without a bunch
of fluff.  

When you're getting married?

Fluff is great.

When you have cancer?

Forget the fluff!  Just get to the point please.

He said to Kyle if HE (Dr. W) were sitting in Kyles
exact spot, he would ABSOLUTELY do the next treatment.
Even as a doctor, knowing everything he knows.

He feels it is a good plan.  A really good plan.

We left his office feeling a huge burden lifted.

Now it's NOT a guarantee that everything will be

It's not a promise that Kyle will not be one of the
guys that doesn't respond to Plan B.

But what it is, is a confirmation that it's not
a bad choice in this fight.

Dr. W also likes to talk about survival odds for
Kyle in terms of years instead of months.  He was
very optimistic about this.  

Again, there is never ever a guarantee with cancer,
but he has seen enough to at least give us his best
educated guess.


For now, we think we are leaning toward a Plan.



and there's always a BUT with cancer, isn't there?

Tomorrow is the next PET scan.

You know---where they look inside Kyle and see
what's up with the old CC.

We hope for shrinkage OR

We hope for stable.

Then we go from there in a decision with Plan B.


In other news?

I took the 2nd job.

I still don't feel good about any job and am
second guessing starting so many new things at once.

I can only handle so many new things and in 
some ways I feel like I would like to get one
semester of school under my belt and see how I do 
THERE, before I add "job" into the mix.

I don't do well with change.  And it's being
heaped upon me in "super-size" portions right now.

I'm feeling very conflicted about jobs and 
school and cancer.

On the other hand, money is good.  Life is 
expensive and in addition to the old cancer card
we have 4 kids, other expenses and "life" in 
general to pay for.  

Things like car repairs and braces and groceries.
Oh My!

So a job for me isn't all bad in that department.

And experience is also a good thing as well.


Oh ya,

and school started and I am feeling (more) stress
from that too.

Can a human being implode from stress?

Or maybe explode?  It might be the cool makings
of a new science fiction thriller.

Move over Angelina Jolie!

I'm starting to think it's possible.


Remember the stress we're talking about 
packaging and selling?

I have a bunch if anyone is interested.

I hear it's bad for sleep.

And eating.

And your whole body in general.

Who doesn't want some?

Come on, I know you do!


Hopefully we have some more answers tomorrow
after the PET scan.


I did get a 95% on my first college quiz in 
20+ years.  (It should have been 100%).


Stress, it's what I've got for today~


  1. I think stress explosions are very possible... laying on the floor playing with children helps prevent them, as does chocolate. What's the 2nd job??

  2. Another school job, same crappy pay, more hours. only in elementary school instead of high school. more structured (i go, do job, go home)--the other job was me inventing stuff everyday. In my old life (pre cancer) that would have been fine. Right now, with school too, it felt too overwhelming. But so does everything right now. I keep begging drs for xanax, so far no one is listening. ;)

  3. Ugh, that sounds like a load of stress to be sure. ... But, You can do it. Take it one step at a time, one hour of the time. Make to-do lists and only worry about the next thing on the list. It is scary but you will get through, one step at a time.

    I'm glad that the 3rd opinion was helpful. He's probably in a position to be more candid than the others anyway.