Thursday, August 1, 2013

Coreopsis Gone Wild #hashtags_gone_wild

If you read my blog, you will know this weekend was
a "reality check" kind of moment for Kyle and I.

Monday, after the "big ugly cry", I went outside and
dug in my backyard.  #biguglycry

I am making a Peace Garden a little at a time.
I'm not even sure what a 'Peace Garden' is, but
I'm making one.  #peacegarden

At the moment, it's not very peaceful, and it's
not much of a garden...but it's coming along a day 
at a time.

I am shamelessly roughly copying my friend Amy, because 
her garden is so lovely.  It feels so peaceful.
Right now, I like ANYTHING that feels peaceful.
They say imitation is the highest
form of flattery right?  

Now if only I could copy her  tall thin willowy figure 
and long flowing hair.  I guess
there's only so much a gal can do, right? 

I have some old bricks I'm laying to make some a pathway
into the I dug out a hole for each brick
and laid them in the ground.

(I'm pretty sure this is how a real brick layer 
does it, right?) ;)

I hated how they looked (spacing) and so I RE dug them
out and laid them down again.  (Which is so odd for me,
I am hardly an anal person about things).

I liked the 2nd results better.  Phew.

It felt good to dig through my feelings.

In the evening, I moved out to the front yard.

You've heard of Girls Gone Wild right?
Well, we're having a problem with coreopsis.
I have been planning on tackling the overgrown curbside
bed all summer and have been too lazy.  Or too busy.
Or too overwhelmed.  Or a combination of all of the above.

Some days even simple tasks feel overwhelming right now.
With so much going on.
It's hard to explain...but I feel like so much of my
energy is focused on all of "this", that I feel
simply overwhelmed at doing "that" some days.

But THAT DAY, I was ready to rumble.

I started attacking the bed with a shovel and digging out
at least a million overgrown coreopsis plants.

We have beds full of Utah clay, 1000 pound, heavy ugly
soil.  My biceps were getting a full workout on Monday.

Apparently these flowers had taken to heart the counsel 
given to Adam and Eve (of the Bible, book of Genesis, 
Adam and Eve) to "multiply and replenish the earth."  
They had been busy multiplying all summer long to the 
point of ridiculousness in that front flower bed.

They had NO problem moving their way through all that clay.

My rhythm was pretty much stab, dig, shovel, pull, shake,
throw away, smooth the dirt and begin again.

On repeat.  Like a bad country song, over and over.

("I lost my girlfriend to my x-wife's cousins sister
at the country fair, or rodeo stable, or monster truck la lala")

Pretty soon our garbage can was full to overflowing...

...and as luck would have it, it tipped over.

Spilling a good deal of the contents on the road.

I muttered under my breath, sweat pouring down my face,
and stabbed the shovel in our horrible, heavy, clay like
soil to go pick everything up.

At just that moment, our sweet Neighbor walked over.

Without a word, he lifted the can, filled it with flowers
and walked back to his house where he retrieved HIS garbage
can and came back over.

"Here", he said, "Looks like yours is getting full.  You
can fill mine up too if you need it."

He then looked at me, "Rough day?" he asked.

"Yup," I replied, doing my best to fight back a tear
or two that was fighting its way to the surface of my
voice, and tear ducts.  *(&#( @!(#@@ tears!  #tears

I am pretty sure I could get paid BIG money to be
a professional crier these days.

Is there any money in that?  Seriously is there?

"Should I go over and get my shovel and come help you
or would you prefer to do this alone?" He asked.

Alone please, was my answer.  Deep sigh.  Expel air.

I thanked him for his help, his offer, and for letting me
do it my way.

He walked back home and did his own thing.


I returned to doing my thing.

I then filled up his garbage can too.

There were a lot of flowers.

Later in bed that night I said to Kyle, 
"Boy oh boy does Neighbor have a good good heart. 
He came over, and just helped. 
He didn't ask if I needed help. 
He saw a need and simply met my need.
Simply met my need.

Pick up can.  Replace spilled flowers.

He then took it one step further (farther?)and 
ASKED if I *wanted* his help or if this was something 
I needed to do alone. 

He didn't say anything amazing.  He didn't try to "fix"
me.  He didn't do anything other than simply BE THERE.
AND HELP.  And offer further assistance.

What he did was this...

He acknowledged a need.  My need.  He saw me struggling 
and he didn't wait for me to ask for help.  
He just stepped in.  He didn't wait to be asked,
but simply did it out of the goodness of his heart.
He made sure I was okay before retreating and then 
let me work through what I needed to work through.

I was so touched by SUCH a simple gesture.
As I have been countless times on this journey.'

Simple acts of kindness.

Standing there is almost 100 degree temperatures,
facing the sun, drenched in sweat and mud and (almost tears).

A kind soul reached in and gave me a little boost.

Kyle says it's because Neighbor has 1 wife 
and 4 daughters.

Which is infinitely easier than 4 wives and 
1 daughter, right?

He says the man just "gets women!"
With 5 women, you had BETTER 'get women' 
or you could be in some serious trouble.

Have you seen the show "Sister Wives"?  
Seriously who would WANT more than one wife? 
Of course, no offense to any of my polygamist
readers (if I have any) I just don't know how you do it! 


I say its because Neighbor just has a good heart
growing inside of his body.  A good heart is 
a good thing to have growing inside of your body.

As Martha Stewart would say.  #goodthing

It's better than cancer.  

Although MY man has one of THEE best hearts 
growing inside of HIS body, right alongside his
cancer. #damncancer #goodheart

Now I'm still not sure what to do with all those daisies. 

That's what I've got for today.  #theend


  1. Insomnia and Google led me to your blog. I'm so sorry about your husband. Sadly, I can relate to these sad and scary times.

  2. Dorien thank you for sharing your family's story. I read your whole blog this weekend. My 35 year old husband was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma this June and we have 2 daughter 8 and 2 and reading your blog made me feel lesss alone in our feelings and journey so far- thank you.