I have one more tidbit today to share.
Remember the "cancer lens" with which we view everything now?
Remember to read: how it changes everyday life.
and NOT to read: makes us depressed all day, everyday.
(it does NOT!)
Today I went to the Elementary and the Jr High to
register kids. Had a small snafu with Jr High (still do),
got the High School kid done online.
College kid took care of himself. It's amazing
how responsible College Kid has gotten lately.
It sorta freaks me out. He even cleans his room-
have I mentioned that? WITHOUT being asked.
Back to Jr High Kid. Jr High kid seems
to have disappeared from existence in the online
She seems thrilled to be non existent
and would happily skip school.
THAT problem WILL be fixed easily.
At least easily enough.
(Sorry Lizzie, you're off to school in a week!)
As I was filling out paperwork, here are the
"questions I never thought about prior to terminal
1. Is child from single parent household
(to be marked "yes" or "no").
Someday this check mark that has always been "no"
will change to "yes". Are we then coded in the
system differently? (Of course we are). Sigh.
2. Emergency contact: name and number.
Well, of course He Who Must Not Be Named (Kyle
NOT Voldemort) is my "go to" guy. For now.
At some point THIS will also change. Who will be
my emergency contact person? For the kids? For me?
Who will *I* call when there's an emergency? Who
will take care of me? (I know that's so selfish to
think about, isn't it?) Who will take care of my
kids when I cannot be there?
"People" keep saying that "people" will be there.
But I wonder WHO that will be? Who wants to help
me shoulder the responsibility of parenthood and
raising 4 kids. Because the way I see it, it will
pretty much be all me.
See what I mean? It USED TO BE simple.
Check "NO", not single parent household.
Emergency Contact? Yup, that's easy. Kyle Nielson
Are you starting to see how the 'cancer lens'
changes EVERYTHING, even the simple stuff?
I told Kyle that what this cancer thing is teaching
me lately is, that *I* will be the one figuring out
solutions and solving problems. There's not going
to be any "Magic Fairy" flying in to fix things
Oh how I wish there was a "Magic Fairy" who would
fix things for me. Maybe if I close my eyes, put on
some sparkly red shoes and tap my heels together 3 times?
Nope, still not counting on said Fairy.
There is one huge burden on my shoulders and I
worry almost every single day if I can carry that
without being crushed.
(This is not even touching on the "when Kyle gets super
sick and starts to die days", THAT thought sends me
into chest palpitations. And anxiety attacks.)
Some days I have my doubts I can do this.
My sister said I shouldn't worry, that I have a "good core".
I say even people with "good cores" crack on a regular
basis. Good core or not, this is some hard stuff.
(Have I said "hard" enough in this post yet?)
For now? Not single.
For now? Kyle is still (Thank Goodness) my "go to"
For now. For now. For now.
Oh you cruel and devious beast you thing called cancer.
Trying so very hard to enjoy the now,
cancer lens and all.
This is my last post for the day (hopefully)-
I'm too depressed to be writing cancer posts today.